Once upon a time…
There was a computer designed to be the ultimate guardian for humanity. The reason that the human race needed such a guardian was that at the moment, there was an alien invasion. The sensors in the Galactic Radar telescope had picked up the spaceships. Some of them were slowing down and then stopping, so immediately the Head of Ultragalactic Sightings knew that they were running out of power. What he thought was this:
If they slow down then stop, they must be running out of power. The Solar System must be their last refuge. Life-forms give off more heat than burning coal in their lifetime, because coal burns out a lot faster. Life-forms also can have offspring, therefore even more heat. Heat produces energy, so that means…
THEY WANT TO KIDNAP THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE!!!
Later that day, he was on the Intergalactic Warning newspaper’s front page, although that was quite easy as that was also it’s only page, but anyway, it showed pretty much everyone in the entire world the news.
This is how it happened:
Newspaper producers read the text they need to publish (5)
Weird people read the newspapers (100,000,005)
Slightly less weird people hear it from the weird people (250,000,005)
Normal people hear that (278,694,356,279,918)
And that was the entire human race – 278 trillion people.
And that was the entire reason.
Chapter One
Computer of Doom (not)
Anyway, about a week later, people were racing to get all their belongings into the hatch, which disentegrated them. A computer took the information, and they appeared on a map. Eventually, all movable belongings were in the hatch. Next came a big thing called the Disentegration Memory Tube but was basically just an enourmous vacuum cleaner. And then, well, er,
It sucked up the Earth.
People got sucked up as well, and it painlessly disentegrated them as well. More and more people were on the Rocket Supercomputer, and they could be seen moving about on the flat ground, trying desperately to find things like ‘Region 1 Teleporter’ and ‘Mirror Mechanism’ (which are just big things which turn you into a beam of light which goes 400 times faster than the normal walking speed on that planet. Of course, you could sprint, which gives you the entire list of speeds:
1 5 400 2000 ∞
The infinity is what happens if you go into a Teleporter. All it does is load! (until it doesn’t need to.)
There were also Cryostasis Tubes, where people were trying to figure out how long a Unit was. It turned out to be an hour. Basically you just stood in a room for about a minute, with the occasional party request.
A Million Years Later…
DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DONG DANG DENG DUNG DOONG DEENG DAENG DAGING DOOGING DEAGOING DARCOGIGGLING DOBLINGAMANISHAMINGAPOINKAGOINGABING…
The broken ‘Quick! Out of Cryostasis Tubes’ alarm made everyone increasingly worried, and when people got out, they saw that people were malfunctioning as well. Things like missing organs and holes in the terrain was even more alarming, and then…
POP!
[WHITE NOISE] “Hello, my thankful passengers. I am afr—“ [WHITE NOISE] “—aid that there has bee—“ [WHITE NOISE] “—n a malfu—“ [WHITE NOISE] “—nction in my systems. You shall have to lea—“ [BLACK NOISE] “—ve the simulation until everything is fi—“ [PINK NOISE] “—xed.” [BEIGE NOISE]
“And watch out… I think the aliens are trying to suck us up wi—“ [MULTICOLOURED NOISE] “—th an enourmous vacuum tube!”
The alarm was still going. There was a big red teleportation station, and everyone was frantically either trying to get into it or out of it. There were just three loud noises, competing with each other to be the very loudest.
“Bye!”
“WHIRRR!”
“DONG DANG!”
“BYE!”
“WHIRR!”
“DING DEANG!”
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../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../
SYSTEM CRASHING../../../../../../../../../../../../.WHIRR WHIRR CLUNK SMASH CRASH../../../../../../../../
../../../../../../../..HELP NO SIGNAL PLEASE FIX../../../../../.SMASHED WHIRRED CLUNKE DONK FHI LHC BJH./
SDTGHGFERFVHJKJMNSDCVDFVXDTYUJKYTRFGHJDFGHNRTVKUYFVITRSXUIYGVBN{IUGFUTEASTRFGPIYG)(^RDYSXIYGBIUITFXGTFCVOHNKONPUHVJDXHDCHBN”K<|{L:LUHVHFJFCVLJN|LM<“LKJNKGCGFZHFCBOKM{K<|OK
wertyuiopqsdfghjklaxcvbnmz
asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasdasadsadsadsadsadastheqsteqsahqfgsblugqfkdutqwgbspqfogqrewofqt7uygrconupijherwowgucwc4uoygqfn40t87o487nygt03487bty340xn816g0fn83t498ctv70n1y349gqn74yvnc872g943719n8tygcbnv
dh ygofytgw0euyqfgoe u34obqyreuih gp94urgoehrgp8yh34 pghepr gh pewruhg pyewG PYER PYG PAERGHPF ERG Pig repiuaeh wpgu prypgquinperuygnperyygboueywgoyw egrigyrwiygw ighuirew;guh rughurl
ydgo ygouyf oygfoy ofo uogfouqyg fouygufgwugyoq uyrego uygouygbf uy goefoygofyoyfgv yfg buehfbiueh vu hurgh;irtuyg owyg oyg oyvg erouy vrouygv ouy houbgvrgo euybg ryg kwgyrueyg boueryg bouy egroygouyrt rt
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fgeyuofgwyieyghfpg ygewoygf oWEYG UEHGIJeiryg[fiwvgyelf uyag eroliuygu ialrieu ghzpeir;jwih ;gneijrghgiua u ;vn; brejgtho ruihgfoqwryf gierukjgvbru jhwuv ghr4gjnp2 ur4 pyirjog vhger u gferuybgiuaerhgpiuhpr;giuhrepiguyahrdyghae;irugj]rt9jiks]l-ypl;….67efgy0t478rhvg97reygtbt76wygir7yg
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
That’s how the computer crumbles (literally)
The computr ws tiping wandom werds. Thé wr lmst mposibl too undrstnd. Nthing wrked, nd peepl wnted to gt owt ov the sistem.
The computer was typing random words. They were almost impossible to understand. Nothing worked, and people wanted to get out of the system.
Th sstm ws th cmpooter, ahnd nw ven peepl wr biing cwuptd. Th rd tleputr ws lng gn. Evrywon ws gving p hop, nd jst wuntad to dii.
The system was the computer, and now even people were being corrupted. The red teleporter was long gone. Everyone was giving up hope, and just wanted to die.
Threa milon yeers ltr, vn te creshons nded creckshons!
Three millon years latr, evn the coreshkions neded corecshions!
Three million years later, even the corrections needed corrections!
nd thn?
Rndm ltrs fld th ‘Watts noo todai?” scween. It jst bwk.
uyeqgwvoiueyhpg28nueqrp8gyfcnqwe0v8ctnghq3408yhcfgn018e7hrgn08e7ryhng0ywh4b08ty7eynq3p-497ytc-n87gy340n87q34n08gy7n087hyg08q7ryh087nyqr08ugh08475hv8g7enr98hyne975ryn-h9ny5-98yhn-w9467ny-h897y457nv2087h45y3n087345h755878576850485768950495865874856749835098457685037895769845706389475068547603987506874508674058673095876g04y57n0vy78n05478yhn075yn78gvhn508gn07y305683hepqyurghou4y5go8yfgwnor8gyhhhureghlicurthgnwuyrnigynciuyrgniwynrityubgiygtinuycwgbt84h847nyj0,;,;;.[l;.[;l[.;[/[[;’[.’,/;’;/\’]/[‘\’/]qi¶´†çƒªœ∫´¶†çƒ∫œ^∑´¶†∫ƒç§†´∑ƒç∫œ†∑´ƒçq937tfç∫ª¥∑†´ƒçbqetf∫^œ†çƒiwe¶∫cf86etƒ∫ç´¶€tfbiqƒebit6b86†®ƒç´§tr∫ƒç¨r†ƒe8ç§∫ƒ•´∑®∫œ•§†ƒbqrtƒ∫¨§tecb∫熃∫†b®∂¨#rdf§®fb6r√8§®dve3ç√•®´ƒb9¶ç´©w^∫´ƒ¶†∑ƒ¥∫^¥†∑´fb§ƒå6`ftfb^¶œ†ƒª†ƒ9b7t€ƒª¶#†ƒ €†¶ƒª ytf32o¥¶ƒª€¶†ƒ†¶ƒ€#†¥qfdw8tfewu w ƒ¶€6f ª¶§¥#ª∫¡¶€§#¥ ¶§ƒ®√∞©¡∫ø¢¶§~ƒ•¶§†¢ƒø •¶#¢§ƒ©ª•¶#¢§†©ƒ†º∫€§©#¥∫ªƒ¶†€#∫º¶§ƒ∂©€∫ƒ#º~•çƒ€∫#§¶ƒb07§ƒ∫€#º¶§çfbª¶§∫ƒº236ƒª∫§¶©ªçb76†€g0c6∫€ºç62f09b§¶fcb9276ƒç∫ª§ƒ∫ª€c67fb92e76cfb9e76cfb9we7v56cfbew9766f∫ª´∑¶§
Back to real writing. Otherwise nowone would be able to understand the story. Of course, for some people, then this would be an accurate guess of the future. By now, the time was this set of insane digits (years/months/days/hours:minutes:seconds:milliseconds:femtoseconds) (femtoseconds are, in this story, 10^-3*7 seconds)
Start of journey: (10582/07/23/15:53:58:273:585897394793783695)
Now: (4945362/03/27/09:38:19:895:168294374858349237)
Every single person outside of the computer was squeezed into an incredibly tight biomass lump, which would actually make sense to be so dense because – well what would you think if you saw enough biomass to fill up the Grand Canyon 1 billion times all squashed up in what would be a tight squeeze for eight children?
Of course there was a black hole decreator which meant that the entire human race didn’t just turn itself into a big black hole and suck itself all up, but people were just SQUASHED. SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED.
SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED SQUASHED
and a bit more squashed squash.
When it turned (4945362/03/27/10:00:00:000:000000000000000000) excactly, then all the hackers had hacked out and you would have to squash 1000 neutron stars into the size of a teaspoon to get something with that much density. And then?
A big equation happened:
(BOOM*KABLAM)+(KAPOW^G1000000000)
And if you want the formula for that extended, well… I hope you know what ^ is!
G0 = 3
G1 = 3^^^3 or 3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3*3
G2 = G1[^G1]G1 or G1[G1 ^s.]G1
G3 = G2[^G2]G2
Gn = G(n-1)[G(n-1)]G(n-1)
G64 = Graham’s number (he liked 3s)
Anyway, what happened next was:
3/4 of the human race was floating around in a kilometre long tube.
The other 1/4 was desperately trying to mend untouchable (litterally, you could not touch them) cracks.
The computer was breaking apart.
Weird Things
As the 3/4s of the Human Race floated along down the vacuum tube, they felt sad for themselves. Too many of them had come out. There was so much space the Computer could simulate, but reality just wasn’t the same. The other 1/4 had given up hope… or had they?
Mr Anthionas (an-thee-own-us) was sitting in a Cryostasis Tube, desperately trying to think of a way out of the computer – and… he was almost there!
But, thinking is different from knowing and doing.
Although, Anthionas definitely did know:
HE WAS GOING TO HACK THE SYSTEM!!!
5 hours later…
4945362/03/27/14:46:14:689:267305730463549251
Anthionas set off to find the Coding, which at the moment was shattered.
Weirder Things
4 hours later…
4945362/03/27/18:58:17:162:7382963719163928017
Anthionas had stopped at a Cryostasis Tube/Pod. It said it was filled, but as the computer droned on: “byquctfwekutcfkwtefcyetwfcetuwcf!” he decided that it was just an error and entered.
When he got inside, then there was an open door, flashing red. Probably another bug, he thought. But no! Somehow, the code was actually correct – Athicorm Lortithan was inside!
But, of course, Athicorm and Anthionas did not know each other. At all. Anyway, he just decided to use the Programmer Hack button (located inside the newspaper slot thingy (it was actually called that – he was BAD at naming things!) at the bottom of Article 4, Hidden Secrets of Nothing, or Boring Meditation as most people called it.)
The code inside it was:
def func.output time.set = {1}
def unit = hour * 2
[1] * unit = time.set
He changed the code to:
def func.output time.set = {1}
def unit = minute * 1
[1] * unit = time.set
Then, immediately, the system gave him another piece of code.
bugfix.true? || set alert (true) {2}
It was correct, so he just said “Fixed” and woke up the person. “You’ve been sleeping 4 million years too long! Come with me, there’s something I need to show you…
KAPOW BOOM!
The sky turned vivid green, and rabbits began to fall from it. Just weird.
KAPIFFLE BONK BIMMIBLOIB!
Then it was raining cats and dogs. Nothing weird about that, you would think, but… it was litterally raining cats and dogs.
OOF! FOOF! OFOOF! OOFOOF! …
It just carried on. The two stayed there, mesmerised, until… CRACK! A crack in the ground opened beneath them.
4945362/03/27/20:24:45:567:7289032034182639727
They were still falling.
4945362/03/30/19:56:25:263:6738472027283728392
Still falling.
4945363/07/26/56:52:29:256:8329670487637463802
Still falling.
4945364/02/27/23:27:37:362:6274983754738274637
Still falling.
4945364/02/27/23:27:37:362:6274983754738274638
THUNK! They hit the ground… and immediately got eaten by a Nothing.
———————/——/——/——:——:——:———:———————————————————
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
WEIRD…
POP!
They were out! They had done it! But…
Weirdest Things
Everything around them was broken. Except… the computer! It was almost the opposite of indestructable, and there were no cracks!
4945362/03/27/20:24:45:567:7289032034182639727+1/∞
The nothing had fixed everything. But then… this person was not part of Earth’s population! Weird!
And then what?
KABLAM suck suck suck suck
The big pipe thing! It was sucking!
Oh no…
4945362/03/27/23:26:24:367:6231782937246728348
VROOSH! The ship flew away. People everywhere were gasping. The creatures of Anthiolis did not breath oxygen, the breathed in HMg (hydrium gas) and breathed out BIIg (berillyide gas).
Here is a little science lesson:
The creatures of Anthiolis are named Anthians.
Anthians are 76.59% rethisium, or RTS as its chemical symbol.
They are 10.6% deconium, or DCM as its chemical symbol.
10.4% frewiscionate (FWS2)
1.56% iumiode creshofvinate (IM CSV2)
0.2% munide cratinmiade (MI CNM3)
0.013% jilionate ikilminade (JL3 IL2)
0.016% hilionavisiamide (HVM2)
0.001% magicium (THE MAGIC ELEMENT)
Anyway, the Anthians were standing in front of them.
Then, they spoke. “∑´¬çøµ´ †ø ø¨® ß˙^π!”
“øøπß.” Then the bigger Anthian slid a weird red device over its mouth, and spoke in a robotic voice, “ERAVPZ YP PIT DJOQ!”
“PPQD.” Then it pressed a button on the translator. “Welcome to our ship.” it spoke. “We are in need. Sorry for any inconvenience, we broke your ship back there, didn’t we? We’ll fix it for you. What do you need, we have an automated mine on Hydria.”
“Oh thank you!” said the professor.
“MWA HA HA!” rang out a voice.
“Oh sorry, that’s our master.” it said, then pressed a button. “ER JSYR JOZ.”
Tommorow…
4945362/03/28/10:26:24:278:627819627367182376
“Those aliens were very kind at the gate, weren’t they? But now we have to work in the mine beacause of their stupid master!”
“WARNING, MINERS! YOU WILL GO TO PUNISHMENT IF YOU SAY A RUDE WORD AT OUR MASTER 1 MORE TIMES!”
“Idiot.” he said.
“YES, THAT IS GOOD. GET IT OUT ON ME.”
“No, I want to know what punishment actually is, or I’m just going to call the Master a bad word!”
“ULTIMATUM! YOU ARE GOING TO PUNISHMENT, MINER!”
“Oops…” Anthionas trailed off.
KAPOW! A teleporter whisked them off to a different mine.
“PUNISHMENT: -1 POINT. YOUR POINT SCORE IS: -1. NEGATIVE NUMBER: DOUBLE WORK.”
The professor (Anthionas) was very angry now. He just decided to say to the punishment droid, “Start work at 8:30. I’m an early waker.” He was good at controlling his anger.
“TIMETABLE SET. 8:30 TO 10:30, WORK.”
The teleporter whisked them both off to their room, which contained:
Two beds (uncomforted)
Two wooden pickaxes
A table with:
2 crafter tools
2 axes
150 loaves of bread (in three 50 packets.)
A wooden door.
Anthionas just decided to wait.
In 10 minutes, the training droid said, “WORK TIME! ANTHIONAS, GET UP!”
Anthicorm stayed at the bed. His timetable was 10:30 to 12:30 work.
Anthionas, on the other hand, was walking down a stone corridor. A floating computer was next to him. It said, MINE THREE STONE.
REWARD: STONE PICKAXE.
So Anthionas started mining the stone. In about three seconds, he found that he had some stone in his room. He mined some more, and the stone started piling up. After three stone had been mined, the computer said to him, WELL DONE. YOU COMPLETED THE FIRST ACHIEVEMENT, AND HAVE NOW EARNT… A STONE PICKAXE!
Now it read, MINE ONE COAL. Anthionas mined around in the stone corridor. Eventually, he found some black stuff. This must be coal! he thought. So he mined it. Now there was 10 stone in his room, and one coal. The computer said to him, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE EARNT INFINITE TORCHES.
It now read, MINE TEN COAL. Anthionas saw that where the black stuff, or coal was, then there was even more black stuff. He mined that. Then, there was even more black stuff around it! He only needed 9 more coal in the beggining – now he only needed 2!
There was no more coal after that, so he mined around. Then, he found another vein of coal. It was five blocks. He now had 13 coal and 53 stone. The screen told him that he now had an iron pickaxe.
…
FIND BEYONDIA PORTAL
ACTIVATE IT
STEP 1: GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THE MINE
STEP 2: MINE AROUND
STEP 3: POUR WATER IN IT
TIME PERMITTED: ∞
REWARD: UP ONE GRADE TO ‘HYDRIUM MINER’ FROM ‘GOLD MINER’
So he mined. And mined. And mined. And then… found ANOTHER MINER! They got out their sword. Uh-oh…
SWORDFIGHT!
Anthionas called for Anthicorm. He told him to mine 120 quartz from his enourmous vein, and then quickly SPRINT TO ME!
The opponent brandished their endium sword. Anthionas brandished his diamond sword. They both put on armour and FOUGHT!
This was the math of the battle:
100 HP + 80 AP they put on their armour
100 HP + 28 AP they put on their armour
180 HP battle starting
128 HP battle starting
180 HP – 7 = 173 Anthionas got a hit
128 HP – 20 = 108 So did his opponent
173 HP – (7 + 5 FD) = 161 Anthionas got a hit and that knocked his opponent off of a ledge
108 HP – 0 (missed) = 108 His opponent missed
161 HP – (7 + 3 RLD) = 151 Repeating lava damage
108 HP – 20 = 88 His opponent got a hit
151 HP – (7 + 5 + 3 RLD) = 136 Anthicorm joins the fight!
88 HP – 0 (missed) = 88 His opponent missed
136 HP – (7 + 5 + 3 RLD) = 121 Same again – Anthicorm has an iron sword
88 HP – 20 = 68 Oh no – His opponent got in a hit
121 HP – ((7 + 1) + 7 + 3 RLD) = 103 Both Anthionas and Anthicorm upgraded their swords
100 HP + 0 = 100
100 HP – 20 = 80 The opponent hits Anthicorm instead
103 HP – ((7 + 2) + (7 + 2) + 3 RLD) = 82 Anthicorm and Anthionas upgrade their enchantments
68 HP – 0 (missed) = 68 The opponent missed
82 HP – ((7 + 2) + (7 + 2)) = 64
80 HP – 20 = 60
60 HP + 7 AP = 67
64 HP – ((7 + 3) + (7 + 3)) = 44
67 HP – 20 = 47
44 HP – ((7 + 3) + (7 + 3 + 2) + 5 FD) = 17
47 HP – (20 + 5) = 22
17 HP – ((7 + 4 + 2) + (7 + 4 + 2) + 6 FD = -15
KABLAM! The opponent exploded and then gave them both endium swords with enchantment 4, endium armour and…
THE CRYSTAL OF POWER!
Anthionas was so angry that he told the crystal to “BLOW UP EVERYTHING!!!”
And it did!
A world without world
The crystal could not blow up itself or Anthionas though. But this was weird – no Earth, no stars, no beautiful night sky – no nothing! Just _ going on forever… () /\
______________________________________________________________/\____________________________________\/__________________________*_
But wait – was that a Big Bang? Was this the start of the Universe?
() /\
__________________________________________________________________/|_________________________________\/________________________*__
Anthionas began sprinting towards it.
/\ ()
_______________________________________________________________________________________\/___________________________________/|___*
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! _________________.___
/ KEY: . = Anthionas
_____________________________OKAY. IT WAS NOT THE BIG BANG.________________________________________________/ _ / \ | = floor
_________________________________________BUT WHERE DID THIS GO?__________________________________________________ ____
_________________ ___| \ _________/
___/ ___ \ / \|
_________________/ ________/ \___________________/
________________________/
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And he climbed through the maze of nothingness that turned into something – somethingness?
Eventually… |
____ |
_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\__|____|_/
He took a closer look at the box.
__________
|TRANSLATOR|
|__________|
He took an even closer look:
[ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ]
[1234567890!?(){}[];:’” ]
______________________________
|T R A N S L A T O R|
| |
| _________________________ |__
| |_______________________| |_|
| |
|____________________________|
He typed “Hello!” in the box. It translated to: “Svool1”
WHAT IS HAPPENING > DSZG1RH1SZKKVMRMT
_ _ _____
_____________________________________________/| |\_______________________/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\__|___|
| |\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
| | \
| ________________ | \
|_____________________________________|______________|___________________| \
He jumped down the hole. He entered DSZG1RH1SZKKVMRMT into the box. A voice rang out: “YOU HAVE BEEN TELEPORTED BACK 13 TRILLION YEARS.”
He climbed back up.
He typed the encryption of ‘CAN YOU BRING DOWN THE SPIKY WALL?’
“YES.”
The wall fell down. He climbed through the spikes and…
TOO WEIRD NESTED REALITIES
He was back at the site of the battle – and the crystal was on the floor…
…
…
…
He was back at the site of the battle – and the crystal was on the floor…
But he did NOT use it – for that…
He was back at the site of the nothing – and the crystal was on the floor…
Wait, was it? he thought. It disappeared.
Wow – I forgot that you could do that! He teleported himself to the System of Coding – and the crystal was on the floor…
Why does that crystal keep following me? he thought. He got rid of it – and the crystal was on the floor…
WHAT THE FLIP I HATE THAT CRYSTAL!!! He threw it into the abyss – and the crystal was on the floor…
STOP WINDING ME UP YOU IDIOTIC CRYSTAL!!!!!
He threw the crystal into the abyss, wished for it to go away, and stepped on where it was – and the crystal was on the floor…
STUPID CRYSTAL! I WISH I HAD NEVER OBTAINED YOU FROM THAT IDIOT WITH ENDIUM EVERYTHING!
He was back at the site of the battle – and the crystal was on the floor…
I’LL WISH YOU ON YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!
I WISH UPON THE METRONOMYCHYST THAT THE METRONOMYCHYST WOULD GO OUT OF EXISTANCE!!!!!!!!!!
He was back at the site of the translator – and the crystal was on the floor…
WHAT THE FLIP I’LL SWEAR AT YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ********!
“You are not allowed to swear at the crystal.”
WELL THEN I’LL SWEAR AT YOU TOO, YOU ********!
“Good, get it out on me.”
NO. NO. NO*NO^NO^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^NO*G(G(G(G(G(G(G64))))))
NO^(G(G100^(G100)G100)^(G100)G100)G100
“Ultimatum. You are going to punishment.”
WHAT THE FLIP I DIDN’T MAKE AN ULTIMATUM!!!
“-1 POINT.”
He was just so overwhelmed.
And he was in possesion of the crystal – so…
He was back at the site of the translator – AND THE CRYSTAL WAS ON THE FLOOR!!!
“GRR! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE NEAR ME?
STUPID CRYSTAL!!!!”
The crystal made him tiny.
“Help me!”
NO WAY! said the crystal.
“Please! Help me!”
“Please! Nobody would be able to understand me – I’m too small!”
And then, he had an idea.
“Please, I wish that I were bigger!!”
“Oops. I wish I was my normal size.”
He was finally back.
But…
The Crystal of Power was… gone?
He wished for it to come back – and it was gone…
He wished for it to go away – and the crystal was on the floor…
And then he wished that life was back to normal on Earth – he was bored of things like the hypersupercomputer and the Anthians and Anthionas – wait what?
POP!
Where’s Anthionas?
Anthionas was gone.
Back at home, with his family – Anthionas was not happy. Does this look like the start of a story to you? Well – it is.
NOT! Anthionas was not sad – he was (sort of) dead! But then – he was only 43 – and he was not laying in a hospital bed with a fatal illness…
He was in…
The Nowhere Lands…
_________… … _… _…:::———////////\/\/\/\\\\\\\\\\\\\\//\/\/\/\/\\/\/\\\\/\////\/\\/\/\/\/////\\\\\//\//////\\\/\///\\\/\/\\//\\\//\
He was bored. No gadgets to play with, no— wait a minute, gadgets? Errr, he had… no plans. 0. ZERO PLANS. He just liked gadgets.
Oh well.
Hold on – the Metronomychyst!
He wished for it not to be there – and oopsies, it was NOT.
He just walked around.
//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\///\\\\/\///\\\\//\///\\/\\\///\//\\\\////\////\/\\\///\///\\////////\/\///////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\/\//////\//\\/
/\/\/\/\/\\\\\\\\\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\=======================================================*=*
*=*=*=*=*X========*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*==********************************.,.,,.,.,..,.,.,.,..,.,.,..,.,.,..,.,.,…,.,…,.,,,.,,,.,…,.,,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,,………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Wait, what was that about the Nowhere Lands?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Oh, yes – it’s landscape tried to match what you were thinking about!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, but what to do with that?
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
And then, he remembered! Think of a portal!
________
| ______ |
|| ||
|| ||
||______||
____________________________|________|_______________________________________________________NETHER_______________________________
Oops – not a Nether one…
() – I am a Zombie Pigman!
___________________________________/\__________________________________NETHERNETHERNETHERNETHERNETHER_____________________________
Oopsies – run! Or not – it gave Anthionas it’s sword!
()
() () () () ||
______________/\_/\_/\_/\____________________________________________________________________________/\___________________________
But this is not about Minecraft. It is about…
POPCORN!
No.
POPCORN!
No.
Err… who is saying POPCORN?
POPCORN!!!
__________
\oooooooo/
\oooooo/
\oooo/ ()
______________________________\oo/_________________________________________________________/\_____________________________________
Oh well that made sense. /\ ()
_________________________\/_________________________________/\__________________________[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
NOT THAT SILLY OLD CRYSTAL AGAIN – and the crystal was on the floor…
_____________________.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._.._…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
And then…
The crystal just kept following him, until:
/\ ()
/\/\/\/\,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,\/,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,/\,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
It just sat there. On the floor. And then – KAPOW!!!
Some kind of weird, blinding blast exploded Anthionas out of the weird place – the Nowhere Lands.
And he was ——
Do you think this is the end of the story? It is. N’t. IsN’t. Isn’t. It is not the end of the story. Do you know why?
Have a guess before reading the next sentence…
—- in the sky. See? This is not the end of the story, is it? And this is why he was in the sky:
This is the Nowhere Lands:
__________
_________________________________________________________________________________———————————————————————————————————————
It is SLOPED. So, after all that following, he had walked on a 1mi by 100mi by… oh dear. I’m not that good at math.
Huh. 1^2 = 1. 100^2 = 10000. 10000 + 1 = 10001. 2√10001 = oh no. Well. I’ll just use a calculator. 100.0049999. What an odd number. Oh well. Anthionas was going to fall for a mile. Uh-oh… He wished for the Metronomychyst not to be here – and it was NOT.
Instead, he ended up on a tree. A tall tree. A very tall tree. A very very very very… …very very tall tree. He started to climb down. And down. And down. This was getting boring. He jumped. And then he was 100m above the ground. He wished for the Metronomychyst not to be here. The tree came. Well. That was a good story. Wasn’t it? No – it still isn’t the end. Do you know why? He still——
Have a little think about what comes next.
A thunk? A thonk? A thenk? A thank? Oops, thank is a word. Huh.
——needed to get home. And so… he ventured off. When he looked back, the Metronomychyst was gone. Oh well, he thought. The Metronomychyst probably does that. So…
5 hours later…
He was still walking. I walk at about 3 miles per hour, so he probably had 75 miles left.
This is getting boring. I might have something helpful in my bag…
So he searched around in his bag. Nothing except…
The Metronomychyst?!
And then?
IT BLEW UP!!!
And you can guess where Anthionas ended up next, can’t you?
The Nowhere Lands.
So, he simply wished for the Metronomychyst to be here. That would fix it. Then he wished for the Metronomychyst not to be here.
It was fixed. But guess what… it was made of jelly.
WHAT THE FLIP???
He decided that he would try to go with the Metronomychyst. Maybe then he might know how to un-jelly it.
“I wish by the Metronomychyst that the Metronomychyst was here!”
WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH!…
When he got to the end, he knew excactly why the Metronomychyst was made of jelly…
They were in a jelly shop.
A huge jelly shop.
In the Nowhere Lands. Well… that is confusing.
He was also… made of jelly. Everyone arriving was saying things like ‘WHAT THE FLIP?!’
And, there was a big pole. A big big big big big big big big big big big big POLE.
He climbed it.
Why? He just wanted to. And,
There was a giant bunny stomping on all the pink things.
And he was pink. But this is called the Nowhere Lands, so you can guess what he decided to do next – imagine away the bunny.
And it went. But then…
ZHHHISS!
Some kind of crazy sorcerer appeared. And blew himself up. Only to reappear – right next to Anthionas.
And then… he ended up home.
But then, it was not how he remembered it:
It was gone.
I'm Toby, this is me....well this is me behind a geometrical shape I made, but you get the idea.
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